home again

a year ago i thought i had no reason to come home anymore. now i can't get enough of it. there's something about the place i grew up that i absolutely love. it's taken me about 19 years to realize how lucky i am to have grown up where i did and i don't think i'll be taking it for granted anytime soon. maybe everyone feels this way about the place they were raised, but i think i grew up in the perfect location. 45 minutes to l.a. 45 minutes to s.b. hour and a half to disneyland 15-20 minutes to the beach, what more could you ask for? plus i grew up in newbury park instead of thousand oaks, which i think is better. we're a smaller town, everyone knows everyone which is annoyingly fun, its a gorgeous town and is becoming rather nice in the past couple of years. we're a small town just a free-way overpass away from the bigger thousand oaks and a 5 minute drive to westlake. everything we need is within reach. plus, i have never been anywhere that has as many donut shops (have you?). besides the town itself drawing me back, i have my friends and family. last year i didn't care to come back because it just wasn't the same anymore after my friends had gone off on their missions, but i made new friends who i love just as much as the old. i love hearing from them while i'm at school and i love coming home to them, it makes me so excited for summer. i have some of my closest friends that live here. i've come to find it's hard to explain the magicalness of our little area to those who don't know it or didn't grow up here, they just don't seem to get it. growing up i thought that every family was like mine who had such close family friends that we did absolutely everything together; we are so close they are like family. i thought thats the way it was in the world, then i went away to college and realized no one else has that. whenever i try to explain the relationships to everyone the only way i can do it is to say "they're like my brothers/sister." there's just no other way (especially to guys who think my boys are love interests). it's not just the kids who are like family either, the parents are included, theyre my second or third parents who i feel just as comfortable with as i do my own ma, and i know they care about me just as much. every halloween, christmas, (most) new years eve, spring breaks, whatever, is spent with this family that our parents have created and i would never change a thing about it. and this all has to do with the magic of our little towns i think. if we had lived anywhere else i don't think it would have happened. i'm so very lucky to have been raised where i was and live the life i live.
p.s. got a surprise phone call from none other than my bestie whos residing in pocatello for his mission. he's doing just great and the sound of his voice made me smile for the rest of the night. can't wait till that kid gets home so we can both dwell in the magicalness of newbury park.

words to live by

while chatting in barnes&nobel with reilly a little old man randomly popped up and asked: "which side of the chicken has more feathers?...the outside!" he was pretty clever. he then walked away only to return a minute and a half later saying: "4 commandments of college: stay skinny, stay in school, stay single & see the world. after you graduate go to harverd, put on some lipstick & a short skirt and you'll get a man." i guess wisdom does come with age.

oh, alice.

it may seem like i'm a bit obsessed with alice in wonderland from my last post about the movie, but it's only because i truly am. i adore the entire concept based around alice and her story, which is the reason why i picked a monologue from the book to memorize and recite in front of my theater class (a class which i have no idea why i signed up for). so wish me luck with performing this little baby: “Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I am not the same, the next question is, “’Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle. I’m sure I’m not Ada, for her hair goes in such ringlets, and mine doesn’t go in ringlets at all.; and I’m sure I can’t be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! She knows such a very little! Besides, she’s she, and I’m I, and – oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I’ll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is – oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the Multiplication Table doesn’t signify: let’s get geography: London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome – no, that’s wrong, I’m certain.I must have been changed into Mabel! I must be Mabel, after all, and I shall have to live in this pokey little house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh, ever so many lessons to learn! No, I’ve made up my mind about it: if I’m Mabel, I’ll stay down here! It’ll be no use their putting their heads down and saying ‘Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up and say ‘Who am I then?’ Tell me first, and then, if I like being that person, I’ll come up: if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody else.”
some luck would be greatly appreciated.Add Image

Sunday Thoughts

there's nothing better than being with friends i haven't seen for a while. makes me feel right at home again. if you wake up before 1 pm you accomplish more and don't feel so useless (i know from experience). new music always brings new inspiration, & old music brings back old memories worth reliving. attending church has the power to make a person terribly happy. when in doubt write it down. clean room=clear mind. doing homework ahead of time erases elements of stress. sunshine makes me happy, but dressing for the cold is more fun. comfort is key to life. reading opens doors in the imagination. planning future adventures (sometimes even a year in advance) makes me feel free. sunsets put me in awe & reminds me how beautiful nature is. defeating a new level at the quarry makes me proud. writing letters makes me happy but receiving them makes me smile. learning useless facts makes gets me excited. waiting to go home makes me anxious. using tea cups make me feel classy. i have to move my body (even in the slightest) when i hear music. movies let my mind wander over what can happen in life, creating new dreams. day dreaming of what i'm going to do in the future is my favorite pass time. laying on my bed looking at my polaroid wall lets me remember the good old days. i've tried imagining my life without as much color but it always seems to sneak in, i can't escape it & i like it that way. i find extreme pleasure in documenting anything in my life via camera, video, drawing, writing, blogging. if i could be a professional documenter i would be highly successful, just a personal opinion. i have realized i am a constantly changing and (hopefully) growing person. i believe i am growing in the worst way, height. deciding where to go next fall and what school to attend and who to live with has been constantly on my mind lately and makes me nervous, but i've come to terms with the thought that whatever is suppose to happen will. that calms me in all aspects of life. puts me back in my carefree mindset, which is where i would much rather be. peanut butter m&m's make me feel sick, but i continue to eat them none the less. though happy and content, i'm constantly planning & plotting what to do and where to go next, gives me something to look forward to.

The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.- Christopher McCandless

best find

i am obsessed with jewelry of all kinds. earing, bracelets, rings, necklaces, charms, watches...i see it & love it i need it. it's a little bad. but i consider it as a trait i inherited from my mom (for those who dont know her, shes got an amazing collection of jewelry of all colors and designs, i hope to have a collection similar one day.) since i have this obsession and need for jewelry, it is always all over the place. i had a ring holder, my necklaces hanging from nails in the wall, bracelets in a box..just scattered about; then one day while paroozing for homey things for ashley i found this little treasure. the most perfect jewelry holder for someone of my nature. it has a ring holder, 4 different drawers, and two hanging necklace holders. perfect. plus, instead of the regular near 90$ price it normally holds, i got it for 25$. needless to say, i was ecstatic.


in the words of Alexander, "I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." I should have known as soon as i flew back from california... here is my life since thursday
went to school
did homework
did make-up work
received upsetting news (no details necessary)
went to r.e.i.
went rock climbing
realized wallet missing
started to feel ill
realized wallet and purse were stolen (my favorite none the less), not misplaced
had girl time with ash (made me much happier from previous mentioned problems)
saw dear john (i liked it) ate lunch and wandered mall (no $ hence no purchases)
canceled all credit and debit cards
called for new license
started flu like symptoms (added to previous excitement in the weekend)
canceled previously planned date due to flu
cuddled in bed watching becoming jane
girl talk with reilly
sleepy time.
Things can only go up from here, right? i'm staying optimistic.

valentine playlist 2010

  1. the isley brothers- this old heart of mine
  2. liz phair- why can't i?
  3. yeah yeah yeahs- hysteric (acoustic version)
  4. sara bareilles- love song
  5. big star- i'm in love with a girl
  6. peter bjorn & john- paris 2004
  7. ingrid michaelson- little romance
  8. tilly and they wall- love song
  9. ashlee simpson- l.o.v.e.
  10. regina spektor- us
  11. the magnetic fields- i'm sorry i love you
  12. modest mouse- you're the good things
  13. king harvest- dancing in the moonlight
  14. led zeppelin- thank you
  15. lady antebellum- need you now
  16. jose gonzalez- heartbeats
  17. the killers- a white demon love song
  18. frankie valli & the four seasons- can't take my eyes off you
  19. edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros- home
  20. iron & wine- lion's mane
  21. bright eyes- lila
  22. the cardigans- lovefool
  23. maria taylor- cartoons and forever plans
  24. alexi murdoch- all my days
  25. elliott smith- thirteen
  26. m. ward- poison cup
  27. taylor swift- our song
  28. belle & sebastian- piazza, new york catcher
  29. she & him- you really got a hold on me
  30. the zombies- this will be our year
  31. counting crows- colorblind
  32. shania twain- forever and for always
  33. wreckless eric- whole wide world
  34. devendra banhart- lover
  35. joshua radin- paperweight

when someone is in your heart they're never truly gone. they can come back to you, even at unlikely times. - Mitch Albom