1/14/13

getting a little personal

i've decided to busy myself. whatever that means. im going to find things to do in my spare time. lately it has become so easy to stay in bed far too long, watching tv on my computer or reading, cuddled up to our kitten when austin is off working. it's been far too cold to have any desire to step outside & leave our warm little home. & i think it's been bringing me down. 
i like to stay busy. i like to constantly be doing something. drawing, writing, painting, making something... anything. i've never been one to just sit & do nothing. don't get me wrong, i love being lazy, but i guess i don't like it when i don't do things in between. go figure. my pregnancy has been a really easy one, luckily! but lately, i've had trouble feeling like myself. i think part of it is not being able to do things like snowboarding & rock climbing that i love, & having to stay home instead. without being able to do two of my favorite things, i have found myself in a rut this winter.
i have a lot of good days, where everything is normal & happy. i'm not one to get easily down by any means. but lately i've found myself feeling... empty. i feel as if there is nothing for me to do & it makes me look forward to when i actually get homework so i have something to work on, something to do. i have been trying to busy myself with the baby room but i mostly just find myself going back to my original idea, so it isn't really working that great. but i want to take hold of myself & my emotions. i don't like feeling useless & empty, i like feeling accomplished & proud (who doesn't?!)
so i'm trying to busy myself. with what i think is important & will help me. i'm going to start going to the gym, because it truly makes me happy, i enjoy it & i feel great after. plus i won't be so harsh on myself if i go to the gym... at least i don't think i will be! austin & i talked about it & both think that going to the gym could really help me, & he's also decided to go with me! which makes me happy because it's a billion times easier to go with someone. plus, i'd rather stay home with him than go hangout at the gym by myself. i'm also really wanting to attempt making a quilt that i found on pinterest, so i'm going to have a go at that which i'm looking forward to. & lately i've slowly been starting to paint more, which is my true love & passion. i've really liked it too, i've been experimenting with different paints & styles, so i am hoping to paint even more & make something i'm proud of. & something i could possibly put in the little ones room.
i'm hoping to come out of this rut of mine soon. it's crazy to even think i am in a rut seeing as there is so much happening in my life & so much to look forward to. but sometimes you just can't help it. & ignoring the rut, doesn't make it disappear. which i need to remember, because that was my original way of dealing with it, & apparently it hasn't worked. so i'm embracing it & hopefully putting an end to it. wish me luck! 

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