days like these
in life i have learned that some days are easier than others & for no necessary reason some days are harder. lately, life has been feeling a little different for me. it hasn't been hard, but i have been unmotivated to do hardly anything. unmotivated in school, unmotivated to workout, unmotivated to plan/attend activities, unmotivated. i don't know what has brought it on, but this new feeling has been here longer than i would like.
my life right now is perfect. both austin & i will be graduating at the end of this month, cedar is adorable, fun & happy, great friends & family, & we have this h u g e adventure ahead of us. there is no reason for me to feel unmotivated or lethargic towards life, but i guess thats how i feel.
before i had cedar whenever i had these feelings i would get it out through drawing or painting, rock climbing & yoga. i had a vent. i was able to have the freedom to do these things whenever i wanted. after having cedar i've realized that the quality ME time i truly loved is harder & harder to find. i would never trade places with my old life, having this adorable little baby to watch grow & learn that i love more than anything has been, by far the biggest blessing & best adventure i can ever imagine. it just means that i have to readjust a few aspects my life.
there are so many changes that are happening in our life right now that i find myself wishing for more ME time. for the chance to gather my thoughts & feelings, express them in one way or another, whether in my journal, painting or through yoga. a way to meditate on the life i have been given & am living. i have learned some of the biggest lessons in life through doing this, but it has gotten harder to practice because my head is constantly swarming with what i must do next.
i need to remember to put myself forward. to remember that my emotional state does not only effect me, but those around me & i need to be as mentally healthy & happy as i can be. not just for those around me, but for myself. i need to remember that i'm not being a bad parent or selfish when i ask for help in order to release my own thoughts, to mentally gain control & to be healthy. there is no shame in asking for help & there is no need to feel guilty in doing so.
sidenote: the photo has nothing to do with this post. it's just one of my favorites from a trip to amsterdam in 2011