confidence has been riding heavily on my mind as of late. part of the reason i even wrote this post was because i was worried about my confidence, the way i had been feeling had my confidence dangling by a string & as strange as it may sound, it terrified me. maintaing a level of self-confidence is a huge priority to me & i think it should be for everyone else.
i've been worried about my friends confidence levels lately. the other day, talking to one of my closest, dearest, oldest friends & i was shocked to hear how low her confidence level was. i honestly couldn't get it out of my mind & i still can't. this girl is beautiful, smart, so much fun to be with & such a great person, but there's a disconnect happening & she doesn't see it. i wanted to hug her/ squeeze her/ shake her/ mell at her/ cry for her & a whole lot of other things, & i did do some of them! how could she not see how amazing she is?! how can she not see herself the way i do, or the way any of her other friends see her? it broke my heart to hear her talking about herself in such a demoting way & i haven't been able to stop thinking about it since i spoke to her. maybe it's weird to worry about other peoples confidence levels but i do & it stems from a worry for my own confidence.
moving to spain threw an unexpected curve to my self-confidence. throwing myself into a new country, culture & language was more difficult than i initially thought it would be & i noticed fairly quickly after the move that my confidence was faltering from the move. there would be days where absolutely did not want to leave our apartment even though i knew it as better for both me & cedar to get out, but i couldn't do it. it was hard, really hard. i didn't understand anyone & they made me feel like an idiot when i couldn't speak spanish to them. i started to worry because like i said, maintaing a level of confidence is important to me & i worked hard get confidence. i hated the thought of it faltering so easily & i knew i needed to work on it quickly so that i didn't let it diminish, so i took control of the situation. i pushed my boundaries, i put myself out there, i've been studying spanish, i got a tutor & i make sure to leave the apartment every single day. it has taken time but i am comfortable in my skin here, i understand how the city works, i know the layout fairly well & i can actually understand people fairly well & am getting better at speaking spanish in response, it just take me a second longer to collect my thoughts. but more than that, my confidence is no longer dropping, but it's higher, i feel confident in myself & i wish that for all of you out there.
maintaining a level of confidence has been really important to me as i've gotten older. i wasn't always confident in myself & my abilities, i often would compare myself to those around me & wanted to be more like them. rather than realizing the strengths i did possess that my friends possibly admired, i focused on my faults & it was really tiring, not to mention a blow to my self esteem. somewhere along the road of life i came to peace with who i am as a person, what i want out of life & i started to see the good qualities i possess & the more i began to do this, the less i started to compare myself. it felt as though a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. this is not to say that i never compare myself to anyone, or that i think i'm perfect, because let's get real, i'm far from it. but i embraced myself, the good & the bad.
so for any of you that may not have confidence in yourself, in your abilities, in your looks, whatever it may be, this is for you. you are amazing, you are talented, you are smart, you are a great cook, you are a babe, you are funny, you are the best spouse/ daughter/ friend/ sister/ mother, & no matter what you think of yourself, there is always someone that is wishing they could be more like you. you inspire people just like people inspire you. maybe you won't believe me when i say that, but i know that it is completely true. people look up to you. don't be so hard on yourself, be confident & embrace who you are.
be proud & repeat this mantra all day every day: i am beautiful, i am strong, i am smart, i am enough. go confidently into the world! own it.