can i just say going through the process of deciding to have a baby is weirdly intimidating? it's no secret that cedar was a surprise baby, so austin & i had never gone through the "should we? are we ready?" phase of having a baby, we just had one. this time around, actually thinking, planning & talking about it was all so exciting! it's such a big decision & then there's the waiting to find out if you're pregnant & literally everyday i would wonder when i would get pregnant.. & then i did & i just knew it.
i knew almost immediately with this little babe that i was pregnant, where as with cedar i had no inkling of being pregnant until i was already 7 weeks along, so that in itself is a huge difference! since i knew so early on this time around, i was terrified that this pregnancy would draaaaaag on, but like i said, it's gone pretty quickly. i think it has something to do with the fact that soon after i found out we went on vacation for 6 weeks & i have cedar to take care of & occupy my time! the first 12 weeks were pretty rough for me pregnancy wise. i was incredibly lucky with cedars pregnancy in the fact that while i had nausea most of the days, it wasn't too horrible & i could still do a lot of things. this time around the nausea was far worse & a lot of time, especially at nights, made it so i just wanted to stay curled up in a ball. it was not a party, that's for sure! thankfully when the worst of it hit i was with my mom in california so she was able to help me out with cedar which was super helpful! i haven't been able to decide if i've been having pregnancy cravings or i-want-everything-i-cant-get-in-spain cravings.. cause i have been wanting a lot of foods but they are all things from back home, so i can't decide whether its pregnancy or homesickness, haha. but i didn't have any cravings the first time around, so that's a noticeable difference.
just yesterday had my first doctors appointment, which was so exciting! i loved finally being able to see this tiny baby in my stomach doing a million flips & hearing the little heartbeat, it made everything seem so much more real! we told cedar he was going to be a brother as soon as we found out & i wish i could say he was super pumped & excited, but being a 2 year old he could have cared less. but we did teach him that there's a baby in my stomach & i think it is the most adorable thing when he pats my belly & says "baby! baby!" i think he's gonna be a great big brother to this little one!