here's a tiny glimpse into our life at home. i realized i haven't really posted anything about our apartment, but it's just now starting to feel more like us, starting to have a few things to make us feel like it's our home. we've slowly been accumulating different items from different trips & what not. 

cedar lately has been completely obsessed with his trains & it's adorable. i love hearing him making little choo-choo noises & walking into his room to see him fiddling with the train track trying to put them together, it's the most adorable thing. he has also started hiding in his tent anytime we want to dress him, leave the apartment, or just if he's bored i hear a little voice saying "go?" (which is what he says when he's wondering where someone/something went) & once i say "where'd cedar go?" he runs out laughing & saying "here!" it is pretttttty funny... & sometimes annoying..... but mostly funny. he's seriously growing up every. single. day. & like every other mom in the world, i want it to stop. buuuut i also kinda don't want it to stop cause it's so fun. 
making// lists on lists on lists
cooking// nada
drinking// orange soda................
looking// at old pictures
reading// still reading the outlander series.. i need to stop.
wanting// espadrilles
looking// for new restaurants to try
hearing// austin typing
waiting// for next weekend
watching// parenthood... i started this week & i'm addicted
wondering// how to teach cedar to sleep in..
loving// eating reeses
hoping// it stops being so windy
needing// nada
smelling// peanut butter
laughing// at austin
wearing// t shirt & sweats. cute.
noticing// how much cedar changes every day
knowing// we are lucky
thinking// about my family
feeling// sleepy
opening// colored pencils


the last few days have been sluggish here between cedar not feeling well & then today i came down with something that i'm hoping leaves my body asap! i can't stand being sick! but it's left me with some downtime for catching up on posts i've been meaning to write since my mom was in town! so! granada was amazing, but more specifically the alhambra was amazing. last year in one of my last art history courses we learned about the alhambra & one of my favorite things is getting to see the things i studied in real life. 

here's a little history lesson for you: the alhambra is a cool spot because it has both moorish & christian influences. when the moors moors are medieval muslims, but is more generally used now to refer to muslims from north africa) were the rulers of granada they constructed the current walls around the alhambra & turned it into a royal palace in 1333. after granada was conquered later on, by catholic monarchs, christian rulers charles v. built his palace within the alhambras walls in 1527. the alhambra was then sort of just lost until it was rediscovered in the 19th century & it is now a UNESCO world heritage site

good history lesson, right!? the alhambra was amazing though, you could see the influences from both the cultures & they're such different cultures so it's such a neat comparison. it was beautiful, it seriously blows my mind to think how long ago these buildings were built & how much detail is in every. single. thing. plus, it was all done by hand. it's insane! i'm a real sucker for stuff like that, the whole trip i'm pretty sure i just kept asking how different things were made or built way back then, by hand & look so amazing. 

we kept joking that the theme of our trip was to go to all the unesco sites & we actually did go to a few & i won't lie & i'll probably sound really dumb, but i didn't even know what a unesco world heritage site was....& now i do! there were a few unesco sites in seville, & the medinas in fez & marrakesh & then the alhambra. i'm thinking we should stick with the theme & go to all the unesco world heritage sites... but maybe it's a little bit of a far fetched dream cause there are a lot of them. 


allllll the way back when my mom was here (it was really only a week ago, but it feels like it's been forever) & we made a quick trip to seville on our way back from morocco. we were only in seville for a day & a half & i truly wish we had spent more time there. 

seville is in the south of spain & in the area of andalusia. it's the fourth biggest city in all of spain but it's got some serious small-town charm, i'm pretty sure i could spend a week in seville easily, just walking the city admiring everything. since we were there for such a short time we took a city bus tour, which is one of our favorite things to do, especially if we don't have a lot of time. anytime we have just a day in a place but know there is a lot to see, we take one of these tours. you see the whole town, see all the sites & can get on & off wherever you want & you get a history lesson, seriously it's great. if you haven't taken one, do it! 

seville is gorgeous, you know how they always refer to spanish architecture & spanish style? well i'm pretty sure it comes from seville. it is the most spanish styled spanish town i have seen since we've been here & i adored it, i think partially because it sort of reminded me of california adventure at disneyland... & a huge part because it is lined with orange trees. it's amazing, whenever you are in spain i highly recommend going to seville. 

p.s. i want to thank everyone for all the sweet comments on my previous blog post. you are seriously the best & make me so happy. i'm so thankful for the relationships i've made with you fellow bloggers :)


the last little while i have been feeling off. just not 100% motivated. not motivated to clean, to cook, to venture out of the apartment into the cold, not motivated to draw, to blog. i've written, re-written, edited, & have left this post sitting in my drafts for a few days now. being open about my feelings is a really difficult thing for me, but i'm digging deep & i'm trying. i've felt nervous about being open with these feelings to those around me & to write it down, but doing so has made me feel lighter, like i'm not hiding anything which is not something i want to be doing i try to keep my blog as real as i can & i feel like it's important to share the downs along with the ups. everyone has their moments when life is a little harder & i need to remind myself of that & remind myself that it is not a weakness to show vulnerability. 

lately i've have a few mood swings (it's a monthly thing if you know what i mean), i'm not depressed, i just seem to get a little sad & can't help but focus on it. i'm lucky that it doesn't last very long, but sometimes it feels like it lasts forever & that's how i've felt the last few days. most of the days i am so pumped! so happy! & then my mood just switches completely to feeling down on myself. since moving to a new country i've noticed myself slowly becoming less confident because i'm not able to fully communicate with the people here. i know that learning a new language takes a lot of effort & time, but it has had a serious effect on me, especially when i'm feeling down on myself for other reasons. lately i've been constantly critiquing myself on the things that i do & the things that i don't do. i wonder if i'm being a good enough mom & a good enough wife, if i do enough for both austin & cedar... those sort of things. i've created a tiny monster that is stopping me from being the happy, carefree person that i normally am, it stops me from blogging, writing in my journal, creating.

i've hated the way i have been feeling, it's not a normal disposition for me. i'm not the girl to question myself on whether or not i'm good enough or that i dress good enough or have a good enough blog. i'm not the kind of person to worry about whether or not i need to be doing something because it seems like everybody else is. i'm the kind of girl that is pretty much happy just doing my thing & happy that other people are doing their thing. i don't normally crave acceptance from others, or approval, but this little monster inside of me has made me question myself & that's not something i'm ok with.

i'm trying to pull myself out of this funk, i am lucky to know that it is mostly hormonal, but i want to be able to deal with it on my own for the future, instead of just waiting for it to pass. i actively try to blow off any negative thoughts that i may have because those aren't going to make me happy & i have so much to be happy for & so much going on in my life. everyday i have been reminding myself of all the great things that are in life & it really has helped me. austin has been extremely helpful & understanding of how i've been feeling, constantly asking how i am doing & what we can do to try &help me get out of this phase. austin & i have come up with more of a detailed plan to help me learn spanish so that i can feel comfortable when i try to talk to people & i can be confident in that department, i've been pushing myself to get out of the door & to go to different activities. i have different errands that i spread throughout the week to keep my busy, i have actively tried to open myself up more to the people around me & it's hard! i have felt exhausted at the end of the day from putting myself out there, but it's paid off, i have met new people & i've made some more friends, which is huge! i'm pushing myself to go out of my comfort zone, pushing myself to keep creating & drawing because i know that it's the best way to gain inspiration. i have been trying to be more active, going on daily walks with cedar around the park & our neighborhood. i've cleaned my home everyday knowing that a clean environment helps me to feel more at ease. i've been trying to take some time in every day just for me, to focus on myself, even if it's just for 5 or 10 minutes, to check in with myself. 

when i saw the quote above on pinterest it sort of struck me, i had been feeling like i am a complete mess, & when i read that i automatically agreed with it. i may be a mess, but i am being brave, i just have to remind myself every once in a while. it's brave to accept how i am feeling, for talking about it, for trying to push through it. it's brave to go out on a limb & to push out of your comfort zone.

what do you do when you have moments in your life like this? what helps to snap you out of a funk? how do you go out of your comfort zone? 


since moving i've (surprisingly) really missed the snow. supposedly it can & does (very rarely) snow in madrid, but it's mostly just incredibly cold. so when i heard it was supposed to snow on sunday i was so excited, i definitely got my hopes up looking forward to white fluffy snowflakes, which never happened, but there were a few tine flakes floating around. i had really hoped that by the time we got out of church there would be snow on the ground, but that was not the case at all. there were just a few little flakes floating around that would melt way before they got anywhere near the ground, but i still insisted we go for a walk in what little snowfall there was. 

sadly it did start actually snowing & it even stuck on cars & benches, but it wasn't until cedar was already asleep for the night so we didn't get a chance to go outside in the snow. buuut austin did scoop up a little snowball from the snow that landed outside our window, haha.

coat: zara
leggings: lulu lemon
boots: chinese laundry (they'er on sale!)
mittens: h&m (sale!)
beanie: anthropologie

p.s. if you have ever considered getting over the knee boots, definitely get them they keep your legs SO warm, it's amazing :)


last week i was asked to participate in bona fides confessions campaign & i'm so grateful they thought to ask me. they're a company that i am so pumped about. have you guys heard of them? bona fide was created by two cool girls & it's all about being real! & come on, we all get stuck in the social media bubble of trying to look perfect// have a picture perfect life// being perfect, but what's the fun in that? no one is perfect, we've all got our little flaws & our differences & that's what makes us us. bona fide is trying to bring real life back to social media & so let's all be a little more real. 

as soon as i was asked to join in the confessions movement, i immediately started to think about what i should write for mine. at first i seriously was drawing a blank, & then allllllll sorts of things came flooding in my mind. i finally settled on one to post, but of course i have more than one, so lets talk.
CONFESSION #1// i am the ultimate procrastinator: it's true, i really am. i was given three days notice to post my picture for this campaign & i didn't do it until the last day. the worst part is that i thought about doing it every day leading up... & i just didn't. #1 procrastinator right here. there literally are days that i plan to clean & i just keep putting it off. "i'll clean after breakfast," i think, "i'll clean during cedars nap," i tell myself, "i'll clean before austin comes home," i promise myself. & then it doesn't happen until i'm exhausted & just want to go to bed. what is wrong with me?! why can't i stop this?!

CONFESSION #2// i am incredibly self conscious: it's not something people notice when meeting me, & a lot of times isn't something people know unless they know me really well, but i am incredibly self conscious. the thought of going to an event where i won't know anyone, or won't have a close friend to stick with, terrifies me.i get slight anxiety when i have to do anything that draws attention to me in front of a crowd of people, like public speaking. i also turn bright, bright red & get SO flustered, in school i would always have to wear high necked shirts if i knew i would have to talk to my class because i get so splotchy red. oh, i also would turn bright red even if i raised my hand, on my own free will, to say something in class. so embarrassing. 

CONFESSION #3// i used to be a little ocd.. about eggo waffles: for as long as i can remember, i had 2 eggo waffles for breakfast up until i was about 22. that could be a confession in itself. but it gets better. i was pretty crazy about my eggos. see, eggos come in packs of 6 & 1 eggo wasn't enough, but 3 were too many, so i always had 2 & i would get pretty upset if anyone ever ate just 1 eggo. it was complete craziness on my part & so weird of me, but you know what, i stand by my 2 eggo's at a time method. 

CONFESSION #4// i can't stop cracking my knuckles: i've done it for years, i don't know how i got the gross habit, buuuut i really can't stop. i try & try again. and its disgusting.

CONFESSION #5// some days when cedar wakes up i am just not ready for the day to start. so instead of jumping up, playing with him right away & getting ready for the day, i turn a movie on, give him a bottle & lay on the couch in a sort of half sleep, while he plays & watches his show. 8:30 just comes so early sometimes! 

so, what are your confessions?


i've been thinking up new goals i want to work towards. you know with it being the new year & all, it's been on my mind a lot. i'm not a big resolutions person, but i am into goals. & i'm into realistic goals. i wanted to come up with goals that would improve my life & me as a person, something that would (hopefully) make me a better person & things i can continue in the long run. so everynight for the past week or so i've been doodling up a list of these goals in my journal. i do this every new year so that i have my lists & what-nots to look back on, & this year i decided to share my goals.
learn spanish// this is an obvious one & a very necessary goal. i live in spain, i need to speak spanish. it's been a rough & annoying couple of months not being able to speak very well to anyone, but i have noticed i understand more already. but i actually need to learn it. 

eat healthy// i want to be healthy & feel healthy. a huge part of that is what you eat. i've been cooking way more since moving, but it's been a little hard coming up with good healthy meals because the stores & food here are a bit different.. it's hard to explain. but i'm going to make a better attempt! & i should probably cut out my gigantic carb intake that i've picked up since being in spain. i swear bread is their #1 meal.

live in the moment// i find that i get stressed a lot thinking about things that really are not in my control & i need to stop that. so, don't stress about things in the past, the things i cannot change. don't worry too much about the future, what will come will come & i'll figure it out then. 

stop comparing// i used to compare myself a lot to other people from social media or blogs, & i have gotten a lot better about it. but i still think it's something i need to remind myself. i don't need to be doing what someone else is doing, or have what they have. 

be present// be 100% there. i don't want to be the person always behind a computer screen or a phone screen when with my loved ones. i want to be there, with them. interacting with them, giving them my full attention! it's something i practice really hard with cedar & something i know i need to continue doing.

less time on the computer// that goes with that goal up above ^^. i love the computer, i love looking at websties & learning different things online, i love blogging, but everything in moderation, right? i've gotten it down to a pretty specific time frame that i use my computer during & i really like it. so really, i'm just trying to keep that up.

get a new hobby// there are so many things that i think would be so interesting to learn, so i've decided i'm going to pick one to focus on & learn that hobby/skill. i don't know what it will be as of yet. sewing? calligraphy? to paint better? who knows, my list is looong. but i'm going to pick one, i swear!

read more// this is a life long goal. i love to read, therefore i should read more. it's easy as that. 

be true to myself// this goes along to the stop comparing goal. i want to be authentic to myself, to my likes & dislikes, my interests, my thoughts & my body. i don't want to compare myself & i don't want to think i need to be doing something because everyone else is. i want to be true to me, make me happy.

live simply// when we moved we left a lot of material things behind. all home goods, furniture, decorations, books, toys, clothes, shoes..we left a lot of it behind. we came with 6 suitcases which still sounds like a lot to me, but i think it has taught me to live a simpler life & i'm really enjoying it. i want to try to keep that mentality throughout the year.

be happy// cause everyone should try to be a little happier. 

do you have any goals or resolutions you're working towards this year? 


you're probably all a little tired of my morocco posts, but they're almost finished, i promise. & if you are reading these, thanks for staying along! i can't say enough how much i loved morocco & i've wanted to share all details of the trip, so it's obviously taken a while. anyways!

 our last day in morocco we went to one of the coolest places called la pause where we had a traditional style moroccan lunch that was absolutely delicious & followed up by a camel ride. riding a camel is a lot of anticipation, it's really exciting in the beginning the whole getting on & the camel shakily standing up, but the excitement ends around there. for anyone that's ridden a camel, you'll know what i mean. but it was exciting to watch  cedar on the camel with austin. at first he freaked out, then he was totally pumped to be on an animal, & then he fell asleep... lulled to sleep by the slow & steady rock of the camel. haha, it was also entertaining because my camel kept biting my mom. 

. la pause is a hotel made up of cabana styled rooms & the coolest most glamours tent set ups that were made out of berber rugs, where we had lunch & used as our base camp while at la pause. what i thought is really cool about la pause is that it's completely remote with nothing near it, & with no electricity anywhere besides the kitchen. it's such a cool place that creates an environment with absolutely no distractions from the experience & those you are with. my dream is to go back & actually stay the night one day.


i feel like we did SO much in marakesh that i should really break my posts up into multiple, but i'm only breaking it up into two posts. so be prepared for a lot of pictures are the end of this!

after an 8 hour train ride, that felt like it took much longer, we made it to marakesh from fez. before our train ride we were told that the train could take from 6 to 8 hours to get to marakesh. we all wondered why there was a possibility of an extra 2 hours on the train & we quickly found out why once the train got moving. first off, the train is not high speed in the slightest, secondly: the train stopped about every 15 minutes at a new station, third: the train would take anywhere from 5-20 minute long stops. apparently it's not a strict schedule! a funny thing about the train is there are no assigned seats unless you are in first class & if someone doesn't get a seat they just stand all over the train. i've never been on a train where this happened unless it was a metro. also, moroccans like to pile in on eachother. i got to spend about 3 hours of the train ride with a lady practically sitting on my lap. my face says everything i thought about this situation, haha.

we started marakesh off with a visit to jardin majorelle, yves saint laurents house & garden memorial. ysl & his partner bought the public garden & home, that was built by painter jaques marjoelle, when they learned it was going to be the site of a new hotel & over the years transformed it into what it is today. the space was open to the public after ysl's death, to showcase what & his partner created. they built an oasis inside of the city of marakesh that you would never guess was inside the walls. as soon as you walk in the gate you are greeted with tons of green trees, cacti, ponds, fountains, beautiful tile work, & a red pathway guiding you around. it was unbelievable. & the house that used to be jaque marjoelle's studio is now a museum of berber culture. the museum is a bright, bold & surprising true blue with yellow accents. the house is completely hidden by the plants when you first walk in, but then when you reach it, it's hard to look away. i fell in love with this place, hard. i love everything about it, especially the blue house.

after wandering around the garden we made our way to the medina. in fez the streets & alleys were too small that cars & scooters were not allowed in, but in marakesh the roads are a lot wider & it's a bit more spread out, so cars could fit & they were going all over the place. the medina's were covered with people, bikes, scooters, cars, it was so busy with so much life! it was crazy & a totally different experience, one that i really liked. it seemed so hectic to me, i couldn't imagine it being a daily life & it is for so many people. another difference from fez is that all of the shops are very open, you could find your way around marakesh's medina much easier than you ever could in fez. 

my number one goal for marakesh was to get a traditional moroccan wedding blanket, so that was our first stop once in the medina. we went to another rug showroom where they had piles & piles of moroccan wedding blankets, all of them were so pretty i would have bought multiple if i could, but i settled for one & am still convinced it is one of my best purchases ever. i am obsessed with it. afterwards we went deeper into the medina & rummaged through all of the little shops finding pottery, hand made leather shoes & a pair of moroccan slippers, hand carved wooden animals, pillow cases made from a moroccan wedding blanket & spices. morocco is known for a lot of things, one of which are their spices. there were so many different ones that i hadn't seen before, all with so much color & really strong smells. we were kind of in heaven going through all of the spices, smelling them all & finding out what we could use them for. they also sold essential oils & Aragon oil (another thing you must buy when in morocco). it was so cool to go through the shop & learn about all the different things & the uses for them. austin & i bought a TON of the moroccan mint tea & a few different oils & spices & i'm pumped to use it. 

on the outskirts of the medina is the main square that completely transforms around 5pm. carts wheel in with tons of different moroccan foods being prepared, hundreds of nut stands, fruit & veggies stands, souvenirs. there are women all over offering henna tattoos, story tellers, men playing music & the best: snake charmers. oh yes, they were there, they were creepy & my mom got a snake wrapped around her neck. we had all wanted to see the snakes, austin especially, but when we finally found the snake charmers & they approached austin with the snake he started having a slight panic attack. it wasn't until that moment that i remembered he's incredibly scared of snakes. i have no idea why he was so set on seeing them, but he was & he wouldn't get near them! haha but my mom being the brave woman she is, mixed a little bit with the fact that they didn't ask her they just did it, had a snake wrapped all around her. she kept laughing & making nervous sounds & i thought it was so funny, she's always getting weird animals on her (a few years ago when we were in budapest a guy put a falcon on her head for some reason...? it was weird but also very funny). after her fun with the snakes, we watched the snake charmers charm the snakes into dancing & tease them so that the snakes would lunge & try to bite them (don't worry, they are defanged, so they aren't poisonous). the medina & market had so much life, it was seriously amazing. there was loud music playing everywhere, people everywhere & i loved it. it made the medina of fez feel so sleepy in comparison.

if you missed my post about fez, check it out!